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Check, please.

This blog title has nothing to do with restaurant dining. However, it does have to do with finding my way through a recent experience of negative judgment that is still unsettling.  This posting is an attempt to help me understand why I had such a reaction.

Last week, while driving in the middle of a very hot, Chico day, I was behind a very large truck as we were both waiting out a red light.  There was no avoiding this souped-up, over-sized pick-up truck in front of me.  And that is where the judgment siren started to howl.

As if it were any of my business, etched onto his window were graphics and words that I found offensive and uncomfortable.  The most annoying example, “Pitch the bitch and let’s go fishing.”
There were other such ‘words of wisdom’ he chose to display. And instead of leaning towards the wisdom of one of my heroes, Abraham Lincoln who said,”I don’t like that man. I have to get to know him better”, I chose to mentally pillory someone that I would probably not get to meet (nor really want to).

Here’s how my inner dialogue began:
–Geez, could you make that truck any bigger?
–I bet that if it wasn’t 110 degrees outside, your windows would be down and I could hear that loud music thumping away.
–Of course, you’re smoking.
— No surprise that both your arms are filled with tattoos
–And let’s cap it all off with the fact that you did not signal for your lane change either.
Listen to that.  What was/is going on with me that I jumped into such an arrogant cesspool of judgment?

John A. Sanford wrote, “If we judge others, it is because we are judging something in ourselves of which we are unaware.”
Yeah, Mr. Smarty Pants, who asked you?
I did.

It was almost immediately clear to me that this projection of judgment was an indicator that I was unhappy with something in my own life.  Something inside me was off-kilter. I hadn’t given it enough attention and it bottled up until it began to spill out as it did upon this stranger.

“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.” Marshall Rosenberg

This situation calls for me to do some spiritual practice to reveal what is the unmet need within me that needs to be expressed.  In addition, I am sending out in consciousness an apology to the man in the truck for all the judgment I spewed his way; and forgive myself for such an unpleasant outburst.
For now, I appreciate that I have my cosmic radar so honed that I can catch myself rather quickly when I step into the tangled morass of reactivity. Then I remind myself I am at choice to unravel the knots within the thread of humanity.

From The Science of Mind textbook, page 225:3, “Back of nearly every discord or disorder, there is some subjective complex, or mental knot, that needs to be untied; generally, some suppressed emotion, which perhaps is centered around the affections–the likes and dislikes, the loves and passions, and everything which goes with them.  These knots must be untied, and it is the business of the practitioner to untie them.”

I release any feeling or action of judgment to myself or others.  I am willing to see and understand what I need to know about my own needs being expressed.  I live in complete harmony with all Life. And so it is.<><><> Rev. Duchess